A Series of (God-Awfully Unfortunate) Events: Chapter 3

Pairings: OT12, KaiSoo(?) (more later)
Rating: PG 13 (to be safe)
Summary:   In which, Sehun is the new Assistant professor of Language; Jongin mysteriously landed a job in the cafeteria; Kris' English major students are failing; Yixing is the calm Chinese teacher who helps the music club undercover; Kyungsoo is the sweet and oblivious, yet regularly mobbed by fans, Language professor; Luhan is the seemingly sweet Mathematics professor plotting to steal the new Assistant Professor; Jongdae is the snarky Economics professor, with a deadly inner troll; Minseok is the new Electronic Engineering professor whom no one pays any attention to; Tao is the History of Arts professor who (not so) secretly works as a part-time Gucci model; Chanyeol is the grinning Biology teacher; Baekhyun is a diva of a Chemistry teacher; Joonmyeon is the Director of  Affairs, who has no control whatsoever and the Dean of the college is a man so evil that the devil drinks wine with him (by devil we mean Cho Kyuhyun).
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"It's annoying we have to be here at seven," says Minseok as he plops down on the smaller couch.
"Why on earth do we?" Sehun rubs his temples from his chair.
"The Dean says we have to once a month to 'promote punctuality among students'," drawls Luhan from the smaller couch.
"How does that help?!" Whines Jongin. "And where is Kyungsoo hyung...?"
"Who knows, the Dean works in mysterious ways... and Kyungsoo has extra study classes with his first years now," Luhan gives Jongin a very sharp look, while the latter takes a sudden interest in the walls and the ceiling. Kris walks in with a tall black coffee, and Tao in tow, sitting down at his desk and almost banging his head down upon it.
"I need my ten hours," he yawns into the back of his hand, "how the hell am I supposed to function?!" Tao stretches behind him silently like a cat.
"Try sleeping like them," says Tao, jerking his head towards the couch. Kris notices Yixing and Jongdae sleeping on the couch, with Jongdae using Yixing's chest as a pillow.
"That's hardly fair," grumbles Sehun.
"You're riiiiiiiight," Luhan's sudden drawl gives Sehun chills. "So totally not fair." he watches the Math professor rise from his chair and take the Oxford English Dictionary from Kris' table, and bash it twice against the back of couch which causes its occupants to jump awake; Yixing muttering heated curses under his breath and Jongdae yelling, "CHEEEEESE!!!"
"Oops," smiles Luhan, "there was a fly." Yixing glares swords and sabers at him.
"Hand me that dictionary, I see a fly on your head- get of me Jongdae!" Sehun notes the satisfied smirk on Luhan's face as Yixing throws a half-awake Jongdae off his chest. Jongdae slips down to the floor with a cry of, "THE SHIP IS SINKING!! EVERY MAN FOR HIMSE-" Yixing throws a cushion at his face. Jongdae starts, fully awake now and flips his hair, "I'm comic relief, I don't know what you boring people would do without me!"
"Live our lives with sanity?" Wonders Yixing, as Jongdae snaps his fingers in front of the other's face.
"Gull please! I'm fabulous-er than you." Yixing rolls his eyes.
"Wrong Eng....lish.... err.. Joonmyun... you okay?" Kris asks as he sees the Director of affairs emerge from his office and stand in front of them, looking extremely nervous.

He then takes a deep breath and opens his mouth,

"Nananana~nana~nana~na," he sings, absolutely off key, while waving his arms about like an octopus. "Nanana~nana~" He jumped upon Kris' desk, while the latter was too stunned to speak. "Nananana~nana~nana~na," Joonmyun does a little turn, while still flailing and flapping his arms around. "Nanana~nana~ Tranananana~" he stops, making jazz hands at his unwilling audience. Then he jumps off the desk, drops to the floor and rolls away to his office, rising and slamming the doors shut. 

Silence.

"Please tell me that was drugs and not some stupid routine thing he does!!" Sehun demands staring at the closed door.

"I hope its drugs...." mutters Jongin. Luhan shrugs, and Yixing looks oddly fascinated. Jongdae looks a little disappointed.

"When are we getting an encore?? I want to record that..."

"Lets put it down to mass hallucinations..." Mumbles Minseok. 

"I'm going to go bleach my eyes...." Says Kris, turning away. "Actually retail therapy might be a better cure," pipes up Tao, "do you have money Kris ge?"

•

•

•

"Yeah I'll just need to borrow a beaker of it," says Chanyeol to Baekhyun as opens the door to his lab. "I was going to order but then I forgo— OHMYGOD!!! JOONMYUN HYUNG DROWNED IN THE FISH TANK!!!!" Baekhyun bursts in after him to see Joonmyun with his head in the fish tank, unmoving. 

"SHOULD WE CALL THE OTHERS?!" Yells Baekhyun, waving his arms about.

"HYUNG WHY?!!!?!! DID YOU HATE YOUR LIFE SO MUCH?!?"

"WERE WE NOT ENOUGH?! OHMYGOSH WAS IT A WOMAN?!?!"

"HE WAS SO YOUNG."

"Wow I almost lost my breath."

"AAAAARRRGH!!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"

"WHAAAAAAT?!?!" Joonmyun looks around wildly, his hair dripping water everywhere, the collar of his white shirt turning transparent. 

"But you're dead!!!"

"Holy gods Baekkie what if he's a ghost!!!!??!?!!"

"What the— hey!!! Ouch!!! Hey!!! Stop!!! Stop!! STOP THROWING STUFF AT ME!!! I'M FREAKING ALIVE OKAY!!!"

"Okay..."

"Okay..."

"But what the hell were you doing in my fish-tank?!" Asks Chanyeol after a long pause. 

"I ugh..... I was trying to hear the merpeople."

"The what?!"

"The merpeople," says Joonmyun, holding up an egg the other two hadn't noticed. "I need to solve the riddle and win the Goblet of fire, so excuse me...." He walks out, dripping water in his wake, while Baekhyun and Chanyeol stare at his back.

"Do you think it's drugs....?"

"I don't know Yeol.... I don't know...."

•

•

•

"BUY TWO SLIPPERS GET ONE FREE!!! TWO FOR THE PRICE OF ONE!!!" 

"Joonmyun....?"

"TWO FOR THE PRICE OF ONE!!!" 

"Joonmyun hyung!!!"

TWO FOR THE PRICE OF—"

"JOONMYUN HYUNG!!"

"Hey what the—?!" Joonmyun protests as Kyungsoo drags him into a corner. 

"What the hell are you doing?!"

"I need money to feed my children."

"You don't have any."

"Buy some slippers, Kyungsoo-yah." Kyungsoo sighs.

"Fine, if it'll get you to stop, I'll buy your stupid slippers."

"Yay!!!!" Joonmyun glomps Kyungsoo who stops him halfway, causing his face to smash into the latter's palm.

"Just get it over with.... What. Are. Those.....?" He looks at four banana peels in Joonmyun's hands.

"Slippers." 

A few minutes later, the students inch past a fallen Joonmyun with banana peels sticking out of his ears. No body questions him, having seen Kyungsoo storm off from the location a few moments ago. They know better than to mess with a tiny, angry man.

•

•

•

Over the next few hours, Joonmyun is seen jumping out at students in the corridor yelling "Why so serious?!!!!!" while wearing a horrifying shade if red lipstick that he seems to have mysteriously laid his hands on. Then he's spotted in the cafeteria, staring at the food from a distance while pinching the air before him, telling anyone who asked him he had the force and he was training to be a Jedi. 

By the end of the day, there was not one person, staff or student, who was left unconvinced that the Director was either or drug or on the road to mental breakdown.

He storms into is office as the sun sets, casting long, shadows across the floor.

"Oh my god you're back!!" He rushes in. "I've been worried, I thought he'd do something to you.... Ugh the horrible things I've had to do!!! But it's okay, you're safe now." He hugs the thin frame of the golf iron. "I missed you, all 36 titanium plated inches of you. Don't worry I won't let Jongdae ever lay his hands on you again my precious....." 

Somewhere in the distance, Jongdae sneezes.

Elsewhere, there is a maniacal laugh as someone(s?) views video tapes of Joonmyun's herculean tasks.

A Series of (God-Awfully Unfortunate) Events: Chapter 2

Pairings: OT12, KaiSoo(?) (more later)
Rating: PG 13 (to be safe)
Summary:   In which, Sehun is the new Assistant professor of Language; Jongin mysteriously landed a job in the cafeteria; Kris' English major students are failing; Yixing is the calm Chinese teacher who helps the music club undercover; Kyungsoo is the sweet and oblivious, yet regularly mobbed by fans, Language professor; Luhan is the seemingly sweet Mathematics professor plotting to steal the new Assistant Professor; Jongdae is the snarky Economics professor, with a deadly inner troll; Minseok is the new Electronic Engineering professor whom no one pays any attention to; Tao is the History of Arts professor who (not so) secretly works as a part-time Gucci model; Chanyeol is the grinning Biology teacher; Baekhyun is a diva of a Chemistry teacher; Joonmyeon is the Director of  Affairs, who has no control whatsoever and the Dean of the college is a man so evil that the devil drinks wine with him (by devil we mean Cho Kyuhyun).
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Crouching Gull, Hidden Panda...
[Or: what starts as "Gull I can't explain what I feel" and ends at "You're a model??!"]
•
•
•

The staff room is dark when Sehun enters, only lit by four candles on a desk against one side. The others sit around minding their own businesses, occasionally  looking at each other with raised eyebrows. Sehun moves to turn on a light.
"STAHP GULL!!!" Sehun recoils. On one end of the room, Jongdae sits on a desk, with his legs crossed, his eyes closed, hands aloft by his sides and a towel wrapped around his head like a turban.
"Wha-" Begins Sehun.
"Sssshhh, I'm getting feeeeeeeels."
"What the..?!"
"FeeeEEEeeeEEEeeEEEels."
Kyungsoo throws Jongdae a scathing look in the dark as the "ee"s subside. Luhan flourishes his arm towards his right.
"Welcome to Jongdae time, bro." Sehun raises his brows.
"Wha-?" He gets cut off once more.
"Hush gull! I can't explain what I feeeeel."
"Who's asked you to?" Hisses Baekhyun from the couch. Chanyeol looks oddly fascinated. Jongin however stares unblinkingly at Kyungsoo from his chair.
"My Feeeeeels!!" Exclaims Jongdae again.
"What the hell are you feeling?!" Snaps Minseok.
"I'm feeeeeeeling something......."
"What is Jongdae doing?" Whispers Sehun to Luhan and Yixing.
"GULL!!" Sehun jumps when he realises Jongae has some how crept up behind him. "I'm not the awesome Kim Jongdae, right now, I'm The Chensing Masheen." He finishes with a flourished bow, which causes the turban to tumble off of his head and he saves it, except now an edge of the towel covers his right eye.
"Don't ask the question. Don't ask the question. Don't ask the question," mutters Yixing beside him.
"Wha..? Anyway, what is "The Chensing Masheen?"
"Aaaand he asked the question," groans Luhan. Yixing facepalms. Jongdae grins like a cat with cream and and rubs his paws together.
"I'm so glad you asked my ignorant friend," he purrs, "The Chensing Masheen will answer all your most burning questions!"
"What questions?"
"Aaaaand he asked again!" Luhan throws Sehun a dirty look to which he receives a blank stare. Jongdae circles the furniture like a vulture and does his best Dracula stance behind Kris.
"'Vell my leetteel friend," Kris cringes at the sound. "I can tell you everytheeeng! Everytheeeeeng. Vat do you vant to know."
"Ummm... are you identity confused?" Pipes up Jongin. "Cuz the Dracula voice is weird...."
"GULL!!" Kris flinches as Jongdae Jumps on top of the couch. "You are ze confused one!"
"Huh...?"
"Jongdae stop jumping on the couch." Mutters Kris.
"Uh-uh-un gull~ You know this is Jongdae time." Kris rubs his temples.
"Just get off the couch."
"Just get off the couch what~?"
"Please?" Sighs Kris. Jongdae takes one leg off of the couch.
"How about nah gull~" He says in a singsong voice and jumps harder for extra effect. Kris' eyes snap open.
"How about yes." There's something strangely commanding in his voice that makes Jongdae stop for a brief second, which gives Kris enough time to grab the shorter around the mid riff and hoist him up.
"Hey- Dude- What the hell??!!"
"Tao!" Yells Kris, but apparently Tao doesn't need to be told as he grabs Jongdae's thrashing legs and the two hold him between then swinging in the air.
"Gull this is not funny!! You lost a bet to me!! I shall have my Jongdae time!!"
"No you don'- oof!" Groans Kris as Jongdae's bony elbow hits him in the chest. "I've had enough of you calling people aquatic birds and prancing around like Dracula!"
"I will have my revenge I tell you! I will return and haunt you to your graves! Revenge!! Reven-" Thud.
"Oops, that was totally unintentional," grins Tao, as he maneuvers Jongdae past the door correctly. Jongdae glowers darkly.
"Let's go dump this body Tao..." Mutters Kris as Jongdae gives him a horrified look.
The bell rings and the other professors start filing out to their classes. Jongin grudgingly returns to his post at the cateen throwing longing glances back at Kyungsoo as he does, only to bash into Yixing's bookshelf and rush out from under Kyungsoo's very confused gaze.
 Kyungsoo taps Sehun on the shoulder."You don't have to come with me for this class, I'll call for you later, okay?" Sehun nods.
"Umm... hyung?" He eyes Kyungsoo carefully, judging the only sane person in a staff room full of insane people. he thinks it's afe to question him and expect a normal answer.
"Hmm?"
"What was that all about?" Kyungsoo laughs.
"Well, around last sem, he won a bet against us and ever since he gets "Jongdae Time" once a month to piss the life out of us. It usually ends that way too." He sighs. "Well, I'll be off... and uh.. not to be rude... but is your friend okay in the head...? I mean he is the guy responsible for our food."
"He used to be.... almost normal..." Says Sehun, pretty much unsure of Jongin's mental heath himself. Kyungsoo smiles knowingly and picks up his books.
Sehun starts working on reading some student essays and wonders what language he's reading for the most part (it's supposed to be Korean) until someone clears his throat nest to him.
"Yeah...?" He looks uneasily up at Tao. For the three weeks that he's been here, Tao is the person he's spoken the least too, and it probably had something to do with the fact that the other gave off a dangerous emo aura and stuck to Kris like glue for the most part, so he doesn't quite process it when Tao asks him a favour- specially a favour like this.
"You want me to what?!"
"Umm.... go shopping with me....? The mall is fifteen minutes away!" Sehun thinks he looks like an a wolf trying to make puppy eyes, and oddly succeeding.
"So creepy...," mutters Sehun.
"What?"
"I said, what happened to Kris hyung?"
"He's busy... doing Canadian stuff," shrugs Tao.
"Wha- what about Kyungsoo hyung? He could go with you after class."
"He's busy doing Korean stuff...?
"How about Luhan hyung? Or Yixing hyung?" Sehun takes a last shot.
"Oh them... they're busy doing... stuff..." Says Tao ominously.
"Stuff...?"
"It's best nobody knows what those two are up to." He shudders. Sehun wonders, at the back of his mind, if its Jongin that's affecting the sanity level of this place or is the place affecting Jongin? He sighs in resignation.
"Yeah okay, I'll go." Tao's eyes turn into crescents as he gives Sehun an awkward hug (well it's awkward for Sehun) and he runs out calling,
"See you downstairs in five!"


"HOLY SHIT!!! That's you!! And that!! And that one too!!"
"Wh-wha- hehe.. you must be seeing things...."
"No I'm positive it's you!" Sehun flaps the magazine at Tao's face, while the latter takes a step backwards.
"That's just some, very good-looking guy, who happens to look like me," insists Tao. Sehun raises his eyebrows and points to the two posters on either sides of the display window of the store.
"What about those?"
"Same, ridiculously good-looking guy."
"I don't believe it! You're a Gucci model??!"
"Shhhhh!!" Tao covers Sehun's mouth with a hand. "It's supposed to be a secret!!"
"Pfft, everyone knows," says a soft voice behind Sehun, causing him to jump into Tao.
"Tsk, tsk, kids these days. Mind the PDA," says another voice. Sehun detaches himself from Tao and looks to see Yixing and Luhan.
"You practically wanted us to know," says Luhan. "You left all those magazines when they came out and dragged us to the mall all the time."
"You've been played kid," grins Yixing. Sehun raises an eyebrow at Tao who blushes.
"I-it's not like that! I really do have stuff to buy," he says, ducking behind a shirt rack.
"Sure~ Come on XingXing, our job here is done~"
"Don't call me that."
Sehun watches the two of them leave and looks at Tao.
"How did they get here...? I thought they had class...."
"Noooobody will ever know..." Tao's voice wafts over from the shirt section.
"Talk about your crouching dragon, hidden panda," sighs Sehun. Tao peeps out from behind a section of fluorescent shirts and grins at him.
"You can pick anything you like, you know? One for free. I'll put it on my tab."
"You can do that?" Tao nods. Sehun returns him a grin of his own. "You're a good man, my friend."
"So we're cool?"
"Oh we are colder than cool," says Sehun before attacking a sunglasses stand with gusto.
"Err... okay then..."
"Is there a price limit?"
"Yes.."
"We're a little less cool now."

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This is a picture of the staff room and Suho's office.
I hope to get better at humor as I write so please bear with me and I'm happy to receive suggestions.
Xie xie,
ElfinJoy
P.S- in the summary, if you click on the highlighted names, you will get images of the members as I imagine them to be in the story! Also if you click the highlighted words when Sehun talks about Tao being a model, you'll see the pictures (I think you'll want to, after all who doesn't want a hot Taozi!) 
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Cut Scene 2: Kim Jongdae and his Tape again.

"So wanna go get gelato later XingXing...?"
"I told you not to call me that, Luhan."
"Why?? It sounds cute!"
"No, it sounds silly."
"What? Dude! I've given you the most amazing name on planet earth and you slander it like that!! For shame Zhang Yixing! For-"
"SUUURRRRRPRIISE!!!"
"AAAAARRGH!!"
"HEY! Get off of me Luhan!" Click. 
"Oh my pure blackmail gold."
"What the hell Jongdae just give it back!!"
"What the hell Lu, get off of me!!"
"Ooo you two are so precious."
"Get off of my lap you oaf!!
"Who are you calling an oaf!!?? I'm as light as a fawn! And give that back Jongdae!!"
"Nope my pretties, I'm so milking this one! Mwahahahhah!!"
"I think my thighs are dead."
"Shut up XingXing! Get back here Kim Jongdae!!"
"Catch me if you can~ Mwahahahhah!!"
"No Xing- Put that diction-"
"Stop right there!!"
"Nope~ Mwahaha-" THUNK!
"Uhh.... we might have to dispose off of his body XingXing." THUNK!
"Huh... looks like I have to dispose two now..."
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The Blessed: Chapter 2.

                                           Συναντήσεις (Synantí̱seis)
                                                                       Meetings~ 


(6:05 pm KST; Seoul, South Korea)
Kyungsoo watches the boy ahead him carefully. Jongin presses his nose into the glass of a petshop and on the other side, a golden retriever pup does the same, wagging its tail, sticking out its tongue, and greeting Jongin with a doggy "hello" through the window pane.
Jongin grins and contemplates going inside, but an impatient snort reminds him of his current situation.
Kyungsoo walks behind him once more, eyeing the exposed skin of Jongin's neck, hoping that Jongin will chose a sparsely populated lane, where he could quickly obliterate Jongin's existence, before the kid figured out who he was. Though, it seems Jongin at least has the presence of mind to walk through the busiest of Seoul's streets, while in the company of a secretly homicidal stranger. Kyungsoo has to acknowledge that sense, while crackling his knuckles in impatient anticipation and planning.
Jongin looks behind and smiles widely at Kyungsoo for some obscure reason, while the latter feels a tiny stab of remorse in his inhuman heart. Oh well, at least he mentally thanked the kid.
.
.
.
(6:07 pm KST; Incheon International Airport, 48 km from Seoul, South Korea)
"I'm sorry, can't you drive faster?!"
"I don't think he speaks Chinese Lu..."
"Its an emergency! Please drive faster!"
"I'm sorry sir, the traffic is too thick."
"Calm down Luhan."
"I have a really bad feeling about this Xing!!"
"We can't do much about it.."
"We can't lose him too."
"We won't, I'm calling Tao."
.
.
.
(6:09 pm KST; Seoul, South Korea)
"Where is your house? Its not safe for you to be walking around now that your powers have awakened." Kyungsoo of course does not mention he is Jongin's biggest threat currently. Jongin stops and sighs.
"I'm sorry... I was walking around a bit... this Blessed One thing is a lot to swallow... is it okay if I go home at all?" Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow. "I mean, in all of the movies, the hero goes home, amd some monster kills his family..." Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.
"You're hardly close to a Hero." Jongin colours.
"Not like that but..."
"But you're right, we should figure out a place for you to lie low." And for me to get rid of you.
Jongin nods, missing the dark look in Kyungsoo's eyes.
He walls off of the main streets and takes a by lane, barely peopled and slightly dark. He takes a right from lamp post, turning to Kyungsoo as he does, "there is this place all the wrong kids from school used to go to, everyone knew of it. That's the only place I can think of right now..." Kyungsoo nods in agreement. Jongin turns right. Kyungsoo flexes his neck, before reaching his hands out to grab the back of Jongin's neck. There is the sickening crack of bone as Jongin, barely aware of what has passed, slumps forward onto the hard sidewalk.
.
.
.
(Suspended time; Seoul, South Korea)
"I can sense him..."
"Tao should stop very soon."
"What if we're too late?"
"Well— look everything's moving again Lu..."
"Let's hurry"
.
.
.
(6:09 pm KST; Seoul, South Korea)
Jongin takes a right from lamp post, turning to Kyungsoo as he does, "there is this place all the wrong kids from school used to go to, everyone knew of it. That's the only place I can think of right now..." Kyungsoo nods in agreement. Jongin turns right. Kyungsoo flexes his neck and hears a loud thump and a few curses. He looks past Jongin to see two Chinese boys, the shorter of the two, having bumped into Jongin, was now apologetic, while the taller one eyed Jongin suspiciously.
"Are you Kim Jongin?"
To Kyungsoo, the taller one had the pretty face of the kind that Zeus, if he looked down from Olympus might snatch up in his talons.
"I suddenly became a lot more famous," said Jongin nervously.
"Are you Kim Jongin?!" The taller snapped. Jongin took a step back and nodded.
Kyungsoo surveyed his options, chances were that these boys were more of the Blessed, in which case his plans were moot.
"That's great, I'm Luhan and this is Yixing." The shorter one smiled languidly. "Do you have a passport?"
"I-I think so... why?"
"We have a safe house, in Beijing."
"Beijing..." Jongin turns to Kyungsoo, whom the two Chinese notice for the first time.
"Who is this?" Asks Luhan, narrowing his eyes. Kyungsoo smiles nonchalantly.
"Kyungsoo, and you won't need a passport."
"Why?" Asks Yixing.
"Because he's a teleporter"
.
.
.
(5:15 pm, CST; EXO Studios, Beijing, China)
"What are you doing?" Wonders Yifan as he reclines on the lounge chair in the living room. Tao bites his nails while pacing up and down in front of the bay window overlooking the main street.
"What does it look like," he murmurs. Yifan sinks deeper into the couch and exhales deeply.
"Give them time, they're in another country. Its not like they can telep— WHAT THE—??!!" A small, slender and pale man appears on the couch next to him. Over the stranger's shoulders he sees Luhan on the floor and Yixing underneath him.
"Oh he finally got it right!" Exclaims Luhan, his right hand over his eyes,  not rising yet. A tan boy lifts himself out from behind the couch. Yifan shrieks and shrinks back into his side of the seat. Tao has a horrified expression to rival his.
"We-we made it?" The tan boy asks hesitantly. The one on the couch looks around with piqued interest.
"Yeah," mumbles Yixing weakly, and Luhan jumps off, only then registering his presence. "Welcome to HQ."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N- The reference to Zeus was this story.

The Blessed: Chapter 1.

 “Boy and girls, please be very careful of the artifacts. If you look to your right, you’ll see the Greek section and to your left, is the Egyptian section, now this way please…”
“Psst~ Jonginnie~ Psst~”
“What?!”
“I’ll bet you can’t run over to that vase and touch it and come back.”
“I’ll bet the same, goody-two shoes!”
“Don’t you guys have better bets to make?”
“Aww, scared much?”
“Hey, Jong! Too full of chicken?”
“Of all the lame jokes to make… fine, I’ll go and touch the stupid vase, it’s an urn actually.”
“Ooo~ an ‘u~rn’, very fancy~”
“Bunch of silly… stupid… people… there! I touched it, hap- oh shit!!”

‘Darkness… darkness… doomed to eternal darkness… then why is there that-? Why is there a crack in the shroud of Tartarus…? Are those… human voices?’

“The idiot dropped it!!”
“Oi!! Hurry!! Put it back!!”
“Run!! Here comes the guide!!”
“Holy hell! Seongsaengnim!!”
“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU”RE DOING?!?”

‘Is Tartarus opening again…? No, that cannot be, no one else seems to have seen the light... who’s voices are those?’

“Ahh… Seongsaengnim… I was… I wanted a good look at this art work, looks like it’s from the Corinthian era… hehe…”
“You should have asked then. Now get back in line Kim Jongin!”
“Yes sir!”

‘Kim Jongin…? Is he the one who freed me?’

  Απαρχές (Aparchés)
             Beginnings~

(3:25 pm KST; Seoul, South Korea) 

Jongin grins as he walks out of the school grounds for the last time, the trip to the museum from the previous summer, still fresh in his mind for some reason. It was a good thing he was known for being an academically interested student. He’d been let off by the teacher on the excuse of ‘wanting to get a better look at Greco-Roman art’ and only he had noticed the hairline crack on the side of the black urn… a fact he was more than happy to keep to himself.
He turns homeward, only to have a short stranger cut off his path.
“Excuse me, are you Kim Jongin?” Jongin looks at the stranger in wonder. The stranger is almost a head shorter, all baby-faced, wide-eyed, soft cheeks and milky skin. Jongin is a little shocked (maybe more than just a ‘little’ awed) and the stranger waves his hands in front of his face. Pretty fingers too…? Jongin snaps back to reality and the stranger slowly asks again,
“Are. You. Kim. Jong. In?” Enunciating every word clearly as if Jongin is either hard of hearing or stupid or both. Maybe Jongin is because he mutely nods. The stranger smiles brightly. I think I need shades…
“Great. I’m Kyungsoo, and I’ve been waiting for you for over a year.”
“…say what?!” Jongin pivots on his heels. Crazy stalker! Crazy stalker alert!! He starts walking as fast as he possibly can in his graduation robes and sends up a prayer that the crazy stalker won’t follow him. One block down the road, and Jongin looks back to find no trace of the guy. He breathes a relieved sigh and decides to walk home the long way.
“Hello again.”
“AAARGH!!” Jongin jumps a foot into the air at the soft voice next to him. Not again… “Look buddy, I don’t know who you think I am, but I certainly don’t swing that way. So you’re pretty and all, but sorry. Nope. See ya’!”  There’s a firm hand on his shoulders and the next thing Jongin knows is that he’s being pulled backwards. “Yah!! Yah! Let go! Let me- HELP!! HELP ME!!! I’m BEING KIDNAPPED!!” His screams were met by odd stares from passersby, who wondered at his mental health. At almost a head shorter, Kyungsoo certainly looks like the kidnapped one, except, muses Jongin, they obviously can’t feel the rock solid grip.
Jongin feels a strange sense of panic that renders him unable to fight this smaller, lithe stranger who should ideally have blown away with the wind, or so thinks Jongin as he mentally panics, while physically screeching like a banshee, till Kyungsoo has had enough and he claps his hand over the other’s mouth. Jongin’s screams turn to muffled gasps, as he begins to feel oddly discomforted at the touch. Kyungsoo’s hand smells of the warm summer earth, and fresh grass, Jongin's senses begin to cloud over as he feels slightly dizzy. The aroma of the earth is suffocating now, as he squeeses his eyes shut, his body having long succumbed to being dragged around. The dizzyness is numbing. Kyungsoo stops, sensing something wrong. Jongin grinds his teeth to stop the pain. His vision turns black. He feels a strong rush of air. The ground gives way from beneath his feet as he lands face forward into soft grass.
Jongin opens his eyes to find himself in a park, that should have been about a hundred meters away. Kyungsoo blocks his sunlight as he stands over him, with his head cocked to one side as if studying a specimen in a laboratory. Jongin bolts up and shakes an accusing finger at him.
"YOU! WHO THE- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU??!! HOW THE FREAKING HELL DID YOU DO THIS??!!"
"Me...?" Kyungsoo whispers quietly. "No, I did none of this..."
"Then how...?" Jongin's words die away as Kyungsoo looks very meaningfully at him.
"Welcome to the family fledgling, you are one of the Blessed."
"Wha....?"
.
.
.

(2:45 pm CST; Beijing, China)

"Oi! Luhan... Luhan!!"
"Ye... Huh- wha- what...?"
"You passed out again... "
"Xing..."
"Yes...?"
"Tickets.... Seoul. I've.. found the last one."
"Wait- what? Luhan?! Come back- dammit!"
.
.
.

(3:45 pm KST; Seoul, South Korea)

"I'm a what...?"
"A Blessed One."
"So what am I, like a holy Harry Potter? You're kinda tiny for a Hagrid though..."
"What is a 'Harry Potter'... and however big a Hagrid is, I assure you, I'm a thousand times bigger."
"What are you.... how the hell do you not know what Harry Potter is??!! Any way, what is this "Blessed One"?
"There are twelve of them-"
"Then how is it a 'One'-"
"SILENCE!" Kyungsoo slams his fist into the trunk of a nearby tree, leaving a wide crater on the surface and his hand miraculously unscathed. Jongin pales.
"Umm... nevermind... so Blessed One...?"
"There are twelve children, each blessed by a God or Beast, to protect the earth in their absence."
 "From what? Like psychopaths... serial killers.... the government... aliens from outer space..?"
"What gibberish is that...?"
"Wha... what are you... are you like me?"
"It isn't important."
.
.
.

(3:00 pm, CST; Beijing, China)

"His name is Jongin, and- damn! Why is this taking so long??!!"
"We're bound by traffic laws, Luhan."
"To hell with laws, just drive faster Yifan!"
"Don't yell at him Lu..."
"You guys don't get it! We can't afford to lose another one..."
"We won't, okay? Have some faith."
"Faith has forsaken us, Xing, what's the use?"
.
.
.

(4:00 pm, KST; Seoul South Korea)

"There are others like me? Whatever 'me' is..."
"Yes, and you... are important." Kyungsoo walks forward a few steps, contemplating on the next course of action. Ideally, Jongin should be disposed off of. Being one of the Blessed, he is an immediate threat, even if the boy isn't aware of Kyungsoo's nature...yet. Then again, a teleporter, and an inexperienced one at that, isn't much of a threat alone. Kyungsoo looks over his shoulders and sees the slumped form of the tan boy on the bench. Dusk is approaching. Soon the sun will abandon this face of the earth. Darkness is something Kyungsoo is used to, not in this form, but it is still a welcome shroud. He looks over to Jongin once more. One quick snap of the neck and everything would be over, wouldn't it...?
.
.
.

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A/N: This series was inspired by Greek Mythology.

[Chapter 2]

Discards

“I wish to believe in immortality-I wish to live with you forever.”
                                                                                                                      ― John Keats

He passes by the statue everyday. The pale marble skin, the rose painted lips, the glassy eyes, the frozen tutu... she remains crystallized among the marketplace, unaffected by the changing humanity around her. People have grown accustomed to her presence. No one stops for a sight of her her now. She stands there, one arm outstretched by her side and one arm held out in front of her, as if inviting some invisible person to dance with her. Her dance will forever be incomplete, with one leg raised behind her, the other èn pointè, torso leaning forward in a frozen arabesque. She was beautiful, but years have dulled her looks, the marble graying with soot from the factory, the lips have faded, eyes stopped glistening, gems have been picked out of her bodice by thieving hands, a finger is missing on the side stretched arm, the result of a child with a careless stone, but, to him, she remains beautiful in all her imperfect glory.
He pauses to look at the life-sized statue of the marble ballerina each time he passes by on the way to the factory. Wide eyes trail over her lithe frame, a small smile curves the plump lips, red from the wintry chill, and he greets her in a wordless "morning", perhaps the only person ever to do so. It is more probable that he does it because he has no one to wish every morning and the statue looks at him with dull eyes that seem to say, "I know what it's like to be misused." He sees old men spit at her feet, children aim pebbles, making a sport of who can hit the diadem atop her head, women gossip at her base– but no one stops to admire her, mostly because the sooty marble filled with stains isn't aesthetically appealing anymore.
To him, she's more than just a centerpiece that has waned in appearance. She is being by her own rights; the smooth curve of her checks, the long tapering fingers the inexplicable sadness in her eyes and smile– she becomes more humane than any human he knows, certainly more than those who he works for.
He feels a a strange attraction towards her, one so powerful that he stumbles over to her, inebriated, depressed, and he sits on her pedestal, crying into his knees, the salty tears stinging the gash on his left cheek. He is ashamed of himself, his weakness, his submission and his inability to have retaliated when they landed the blows on him a while ago. He looks up, the statue looks straight ahead. He raises himself onto the pedestal and slowly meets the blue, glass, irises. He trails a finger over the jagged ends of the broken finger before closing his palm over hers. She is cold to the touch, but warmer than the machines he uses everyday.
The moonshine creates a dull glow in the marble. She awakens to life, wrapping her arms around his shoulder, burying her head into the crook of his neck, she is soft, delicate, smelling of the lily that is tucked behind her ear. She lifts her eyes to look at him, wiping away the drying tears and caking blood from his cheeks. He leans forward– the vision breaks with harsh calls of "thief" behind him. Two burly officers of the law lift him off of the pedestal as he thrashes in protest. Slurred tones in protests of innocence fade into the distance as he is dragged away. The marble girl silently screams in his defense– her cries remain unheard.
She stands as use always has, scanning the crown of uninterested people in hopes for the lone pair of eyes that have met hers on purpose. The beautiful doe eyes, tinged with pain and loneliness and yet a sense of comfort that seem to tell her, "I know what it's like to be forgotten." She longs for the only human touch she has felt in years, a touch that fills her marble coldness with warmth, though she doesn't think the other humans can be warm like him. Days turn into weeks which run into months, but he doesn't show himself. Little does she know he tries to catch a glimpse of her from his cell window each night and yells in frustration when he can't see her. She keeps waiting for him oblivious to the knowledge that might have offered some comfort. Then, one autumn afternoon, when the leaves from the tree overhead have turned golden from age, a man lifts himself up to her pedestal butt he isn't the one she is looking for. This stranger, with his rough hand removes the diadem from atop her head while she hears chiseling sounds at her feet. Two pairs of hands brusquely list her off of the pedestal that she has stood on since her creation– then come the people. They throng around her, eager hands jostling and lunging at her, trying to remove the gems that adorn her figure. The two holding her can battle the crowd no longer and she falls, breaking against the very pedestal that once held her. She lies helpless, as men, women and children wrench out the glittering stones from her shoes and dress; someone gouges the blue stone of her right eye and pockets it. With the other she has the satisfaction of spotting him in the distance before the other eye is ripped out too.
He came racing the moment he was released, hoping to smile up at his statue once more. Now, he sees filthy hands violating her, robbing her of anything valuable until the leave behind the naked marble. He tries to get closer, but the mob shoves him back until he hits his head on a lamp most and falls into the dirt. The crowd disperses eventually when there is nothing remaining except for the marble husk. He walks over to her, sitting upon the pedestal, looking into the hollow eyes and smiling mouth, that stabs his heart a hundred times over. Life resumes in the marketplace, no one spares her another glance. She lies there, shattered, fragmented, to be discarded in the morning by garbage collectors. Dusk casts a rosy glow over her cheeks. He picks up a broken lily petal, lying beside her severed head, and clasps it tightly in his palm, wondering how long before he meets the same fate.
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This was inspired by John Keats' obsession with immortality ad crystallized existence and once again Kyungsoo invaded my head... so there you have it...

Listen To Me

Darkling I listen, and for many a time
            I have been half in love with easeful Death,
Called him soft names in many a sweet rhyme,
            To take into the air my quiet breath"
                                                               -John Keats (Ode To A Nightingale)

He calls out to me often. It begins with soft whispers, that float on the quiet breezes, rising to a crescendo until it fades out once more into the ebony of the night. It is melodious, enchanting, and it catches me by surprise each time, throwing my emotions into a whirlwind of chaos and I can't see the eye of the storm– or maybe I don't wish to. Even the faintest wisps that I catch, quickens my heart, makes my nerves taut and my skin glisten with anticipation- because if his voice is in the air, I shall see him soon.
Sure enough I do. The first fleeting glimpse of him comes with the stench of humiliation of being fired. He's a fragrant breath of fresh air,smelling of the salty sea, exotic spices and freshly made pasta... of nostalgia, of home. Of course there isn't a way home from this foreign land. There are loans to be repaid, bills to be paid, then people die, people leave, more loads, bills upon bills and, at the end of it all, only thought of him fill my mind to the darkest crevices, lingering on till I'm left breathless in their wake– dangerous but not wholly unwelcome. So he sits opposite my couch at the end of everyday, smiling, and beckoning me over.
I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought of walking over to him, falling into his arms, lying in his cold embrace, looking into his eyes and kissing his frigid lips., leaving all the world and all my life behind; just to give into him and forget everything. He entices me like nothing and no one else, sitting there, calling out to me softly in that sinful voice, holding his out hand; and it comes as a sudden realization one evening– all I have to do is take it.
Its like sneaking into your fridge in the middle of the night to devour on melting dark chocolate until it finishes and you're left licking your fingers, relishing in the afterglow of a forbidden task. Only, thoughts of him are darker and giving into him will possibly result in no afterglow– but the allure, multiplied a hundred times over, is enough for me to dream of him night after night, only to start awake and stare, breathless, into the darkness.
He stares back, his pale skin and wine red hair visible in the the moonless night.  He is beautiful, so tantalisingly close that I only have to reach out an he'll pull  me in. My resolve slowly ebbs away and with each passing day he seems a step closer, until one day, I turn around, and he's right in front of me.
His presence bombards my senses with conflicting emotions– wanting him to disappear and wanting to draw him close– and intoxicates me, filling me with bubbling anticipation,giddy and excited all at once. Dark eyes bore into mine, slender fingers brush though my hair. I can feel his cold breath.
"Its very easy, you know?" He whispers against my lips. Longing crackles through every fibre of my being. "One, two, three, and then, oblivion." I roll my palms into fists in hopes of getting some semblance of cognition back. He presses his forehead against mine. Desire takes over my mind. I reach out to trail my fingers over the soft curve of his cheek to the firm jaw. Shivers pulsating through my body. There isn't any turning back now.
His smooth voice instructs me as feet find their way to the kitchen, wine glasses are filled and then back to the medicine cabinet for a bottle full of sleeping pills. Feverish hands mix the two substances and baleful eyes stare at the final concoction– is this what I want?
All intelligible thoughts disappear from my mind, as his smile presses against my lips; thoughts of him grow through my mind until there isn't room from anything else. I pull away, take a deep breath and put pen to paper.
He still sits in front of me, waiting for me to finish and he knows I'm almost there because he smiles in eager anticipation. It's a beautiful smile. I lace my finger through his. The wine glass with its content sits  in front of my eyes. I feel a gentle squeeze on my palm egging me on. A deep breath. He cups my cheeks. Another deep breath. I see nothing but the deep cesspools of his irises. The breaths are sharp, short gasps now. He kisses my parted lips. The wine glass sits ready on the table– so am I.
It'll be easy. Just one, two, three..... and then..... oblivion.
A/N: I really didn't intend for this to be a fanfic, just half way through Kyungsoo stated creeping into my mind and took over .____.

A Series of (God-Awfully Unfortunate) Events: Chapter 1

Pairings: OT12, KaiSoo(?) (more later)
Rating: PG 13 (to be safe)
Summary:   In which, Sehun is the new Assistant  professor of Language; Jongin mysteriously landed a job in the cafeteria; Kris' English major students are failing; Yixing is the calm Chinese teacher who helps the music club undercover; Kyungsoo is the sweet and oblivious, yet regularly mobbed by fans, Language professor; Luhan is the seemingly sweet Mathematics professor plotting to steal the new Assistant Professor; Jongdae is the snarky Economics professor, with a deadly inner troll; Minseok is the new Electronic Engineering professor whom no one pays any attention to; Tao is the History of Arts professor who (not so) secretly works as a part-time Gucci model; Chanyeol is the grinning Biology teacher; Baekhyun is a diva of a Chemistry teacher; Joonmyeon is the Director of  Affairs, who has no control whatsoever and the Dean of the college is a man so evil that the devil drinks wine with him (by devil we mean Cho Kyuhyun).
____________________________________________________________

This Could Be the Start of Something New...
[Or: what starts at "why the hell did I come here?!" and ends at "you are my mortal enemy— FOR LIFE!!!"]
•
•
•
Oh Sehun is your average Joe, except he's Korean, so maybe he's an average "Kim", but he's obviously an "Oh", not a "Kim" so... anyway, the point is, if he was an American. he'd be an average Joe. An average guy, with an average family, from an average town, with an average job, until his parents forced him to go to Seoul for work.... but he's still an average guy- wondering what he's done to end up in this loony bin.
It hasn't been five minutes since he's entered the campus and two minutes of those five have been wasted by a human traffic jam, caused by the onlookers of a fight between two people, one of whom looked like a very tall Psychotic Clown, with a weird blonde mushroom growing out of his head and the other was a very tiny (or did he just look tiny because of the giant mushroom guy, wonders Sehun) guy, who looked like he was the spokesperson for Eyeliner rights, both of whom were hurling insults at each other...

"You Sone of a bicarbonate!"
"You're the Sone! The Sone of a Brachybacterium!"
"Why you freaking nitrate of ammonia-"

Sehun hadn't waited there for much longer before making dash in the opposite direction and yet by some sad twist of fate, here those two are sitting opposite him in the staff lounge, no longer fighting but with each other but now Ginormous-Psycho-Mushroom dude has his arm draped over Eyeliner-Poster-boy, who's reading over sheets of paper while trying worm his way out of the taller one's grip. On Sehun's right there's a person who looks like a little kid, well if truth be told, like a cherubic  little girl, and this Little Girl-Guy has his foot across the couch on the lap of a very calm looking Chinese man, who actually looks more dazed and lost than calm. Then next to the Mushroom-Eyeliner duo is a man with the cheek bones of a Greek God, except he'd tripped Sehun on his way to the couch and flashed him a very disarming grin so Sehun decides that he's officially Mr. Cheekbones-of-Hades, there's also a Chinese guy with panda eyes who looks way too fashionable for a professor (also he has a strange emo aura), a guy with really squishy looking cheeks and a really tall imposing guy, who has not said a word, or lifted his eyes off his book (Premeditated Murder Made Easy) so Sehun's giving him a wide berth. Somewhere in the middle of this zoo, his old friend Jongin walks in. Jongin has landed the head position in the cafeteria and Sehun wonders exactly what horrors the students are in for.
But before he has a chance to wonder exactly how may hospitals will be full by the end of the day, the Director of Affairs, who's name Sehun knows is Joonmyeon, walks in with a smile that says "look-at-me-lowly-beings-I'm-an-angel" but he really looks like somebody's grandpa trying to be cool.
"Sehun ssi, glad you'll be joining us, you too Jongin ssi."
"Seriously?!" Squishy-Cheeks looks at at the Director with incredulous eyes. "You're giving cafeteria boy a welcome too?!" Then he looks over at Jongin apologetically. "No offense bro." Jongin shrugs.
"Anyhoo," the Joonmyeon carries on, "let me introduce you. That's Luhan, he lectures math." Little-Girl guy gives him a real angelic smile, that leaves Sehun mildly disturbed. "That's Chanyeol, Chem." Psychotic-Mushroom gives him a psychotic grin. "That's Baekhyun, Bio." The Eyeliner-poster-boy looks up in disdain.
"Hey kids, and it's Bio-logy."
"Yeah, okay, that's Jongdae, he's for Eco." Mr. Cheekbones-of-Hades grins at them.
"What's up shortstuff?" Jongin and Sehun raise eyebrows, because Jongdae looks atleast a head shorter than both of them.
"That's Tao, History of Art and Kris, English." Panda-Eyes and Potential-Murderer give him curt nods. "This is Minseok, Electronics." Squishy-Cheeks pouts and then smiles kindly (is that pity in his eyes?) at the two. "And this is Yixing, Chinese." There is no response as the dazed Yixing stares at the opposite wall with his eyes half-shut, and his ears plugged with purple earphones. "Yixing? Yixing? Yixi-"
BAM!
The door flies open and Yixing jumps up with a "I swear I was paying attention!", while Luhan's legs drops to the floor and he utters a yelp of protest. The person at the door looks like a sorry mess.
"I'm... sorry... I'm... late...." he manages to spout among the panting and gasping. Sehun notices his shirt looks terribly crumpled and his hair is more than askew, while his large eyes are watering and his cheeks are red. Sehun thinks this pint sized man looks like a soft toy, and he's about to say that to Jongin, when he realises that his friend is staring unabashedly at the new comer, with eyes wide enough to match his.
"Ayo! Wassup D.O.!" Luhan calls out chreerily, two decibels too loud and everyone visibly winces.
"Mobbed again Soo?" Minseok asks with a pat on "Soo's" back. He nods woefully.
"I don't even... they need some... so many people!!!!" Baekhyun rises from Chanyeol's grasp and gives his seat to "Soo" who gets engulfed into a bear-hug by the large Biology professor.
"Yeol-can't-breathe-let-go-" Chanyeol lets go with a hurried apology. He hears something snap, actually snap next to him, and he realises that Jongin has broken a pencil in two with his fingers while looking at Chanyeol like he was going to end up on the afternoon's lunch menu soon.
"How do they even find you?" Sehun almost fell out of his seat in shock at the deep baritone of Kris. "Soo" shook his head in utter defeat.
"I swear, someday I will find out." Sehun has the intense urge to hug this tiny man. He notices Jongin's knuckles have turned white.
"This is Kyungsoo," says Joonmyeon. "Sehun ssi, you'll be his assistant lecturer."
There's a suddenly loud crash and Sehun realises that Jongin has fallen out of his seat, and is now looking at Sehun with a face halfway between "I'm-in-terrible-pain" and "I-will-end-your-life"... why the second, Sehun does not know.
"You teach Languge?" Jongin asks Kyungsoo politely (too polite, thinks Sehun), while trying to act as if nothing had happened. Kyungsoo looks at him with the same curiosity that one might use to look at a monkey in a zoo.
"Yes, I do.."
"He totally D-O-e-s!" Quips a grinning Luhan. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.
"Isn't it a bit too early to make fun of my last name?"
"Of course not Do-nut my man!"
"Argh!" Says Kyungsoo, ruffling his own hair in defeat. Suddenly Sehun feels himself being hauled upwards by two pairs of strong hands, and he lets out a very high pitched yelp.
"I'm borrowing him for a bit," says Jongin between gritted teeth and proceeds to drag him out of the door, ignoring the raised eyebrows and Jongdae's call of "play nice kids!" and slam him against the wall at the nearest corner.
"You're the Assistant prof.?" He demands.
"Ye-ah..." Sehun is very unsure of where this is headed.
"No~!" Wails Jongin and slumps to the floor. "You... but I... I mean this.... I- I don't want to work in the cafe!!"
"Why'd you even get a job there? You're-"
"Don't talk to me Oh Sehun!"
"What? You dragged me out here-"
"Zip! Do not talk!"
"Wha-?"
"Oh Sehun you're officially my mortal enemy- FOR LIFE!"
"Morta-"
"For LIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!!!" Says Jongin before stomping off. A second later Sehun hears a crash and a groan.
"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!" He peeks around the corner to see Jongin sprawled on the floor with a very concerned Kyungsoo hovering over him.
"Ooooh, you've D-O-n-e it now," whistles Luhan.
"Not now for god's sake! Are you okay?" Jongin groans and opens his eyes. Sehun notes his friend's interesting red colour over his tan skin.
"I'm hot!" Says Jongin springing up, and Kyungsoo takes a hasty step backwards, while Sehun mentally facepalms. "I- I mean I'm cool! Not- not that cool, but cool as in 'hey I'm okay'... oh wait that rhymed and umm.. I uhh-" He catches a sight of Sehun's impassive face around the corner. "For LIIIIIIIFE!!" And he bolts towards the stairs, leaving a very amused Luhan and Yixing and a very confused Kyungsoo in his wake. In fact, Sehun can almost hear Kyungsoo's internal comment on Jongin's sanity, or the lack of it.
So a loony bin, that just became loonier thanks to Kim Jongin, contemplates Sehun as he walks through the corridors. Students start pouring in, some looking at him in vague interest, others hurriedly rushing past.
He sees Chanyeol and Baekhyun animatedly discussing something, Lunhan, Yixing and Jongdae with their heads conspiratorially together, Joonmeyon walking through the corridors, smiling perkily at the students who  could not care less, Kris walking off with his nose still in the book ( Sehun is going to give him a very wide berth)  and Tao occasionally pauses to check his reflection in the mirror.
Yes, right now if someone could read Oh Sehun's mind, they'd hear him ask exactly what sin he's committed to end up here.
____________________________________________________________


This is the first chapter in the series, the following ones are going to focus on a few members at a time, rarely all 12.
I hope to get better at humor as I write so please bear with me and I'm happy to receive suggestions.
Xie xie,
ElfinJoy
P.S- in the summary, if you click on the highlighted names, you will get images of the members as I imagine them to be in the story!
___________________________________________________________

Cut Scene 1: Kim Jongdae and his Tape.

"Not fair... even Lunch-Boy gets a welcome and I got nothing when I came last month. Just 'Hey Minseok, this is your schedule, have fun.' Who the hell has fun in Trical?! People just stare-"
"SUUURPRIISE!!!"
"OH MY- oh very funny Jongdae... what's that?"
"This is a tape recorder and why yes, I did record my voice and then digitally layer it eleven times so it sounds like bunch of people and ta~da~!"
"Where the hell... do you even get the time...?"
"Wouldn't you like to know my little Minseokkie, ehehehehehee."
"I'm not your little Minseo-."
"Ehehehehehehee."
"The whole evil-hand-rubbing thing isn't working, so sto-."
"Ehehehehehehee."
"And nor is the high-pitched-maniacal laugh, just sto-"
"Ehehe-" THUNK!
"OH MY GOD! Did you just knock Jongdae out with that text book?!"
"Lu..han... I uhh-"
"HEY GUYS! WE NEED TO HOST A PARTY IN HONOUR OF MINSEOK! LIKE NOW!!"
___________________________________________________________

Wake Me Up II: Exo Drabbles

Kris
•
•
•
The muffled sound of rain has a gentle soporific effect as you drift somewhere between sleep and wake. The grey sky filters in through your nearly closed lids, seeming more beautiful than its dull reality. The novel lies forgotten under your cheek. The hard library table seems so comfortable. You really should not have pulled off that all-nighter to finish your English assignment, but you did, and the end result is spending your free fourth period in the library.
Something soft pokes your arm a few times. You ignore it. Then a deep, gravely voice softly says, "students aren't allowed to sleep in the library."
You jerk off the table. You probably look like a train wreck, which is the worst possible thing you could look like in front of him.
Wu Yifan.
His eyes glint sharply, speaking volumes more of the teasing behind those words than his face.
"Sunbae..." You mumble, looking everywhere but at his face. The last thing you want is to stare into his eyes and turn red.
"Rough party last night?" His smirk is well pronounced now. Here come the butterflies.
"I wish." Months of practice has rendered you able to utter short sentences in front of him without sound like you could use english lessons... though the idea of lessons with Mr. Vancouver doesn't seem all that bad. He clicks his fingers in front of your face. You blink at him with a start. You've been dreaming about him— right in front of him! The tip of your ears burn in embarrassment.
"Do you always dream of him?"
"What...?"
"Whoever gets that silly smile on your face." The butterflies in your stomach flutter in a whirlwind of confusion.
"I- I..." You pause for a second, knowing your face is probably redder than a London tour bus, and say, "I have no idea what your talking about sunbae." He runs a hand through his hair and leans back into the chair, putting his hands behind his head.
"I'm just saying- lucky guy." Your eyes turn wider than an owl (or for that matter, your classmate, Do Kyungsoo's). The old Dream Boy joke again... going on ever since you blanked out at a council meeting... for the record, it was his new spiked hair.
"Wha-?" You blink at him rapidly, wondering if its the sleep that's causing you to hallucinate. He laughs, the deep sound making you flush and the butterflies stir again. Then, there is a loud crack of lightening. The sudden shock sends you gasping to clutch at the sleeves of his shirt.
"Scared of thunder?" His lips are pulled into a teasing smirk, but his eyes are clouded with.... worry?
You pull back with an attempt to look dignified (and fail miserably). "I was surprised." Then you look out of the adjacent window, into the thick curtain and sigh softly. "So much for english class..."
"No umbrella?" The voice is too close. You snap back into your chair with wide eyes and flush cheeks. He has been leaning close to look out of the window. You shake your head jerkily, still trying to process the proximity. "I have one, and I'm headed to the council room." You look at him with furrowed eyebrows.
"Students' Council Room.... now?"
"I'm the president, I can do what I want." That playful smirk is back. You roll your eyes. "I may not be Mr. Dream Boy, but you shouldn't turn down the umbrella." You resist the urge to roll your eyes again and tell him that he is "Mr. Dream Boy"... but of course you're not that much of an idiot.
"Gamsahaminda sunbae," you try a half bow, but in your groggy state, end up hitting your head on the table. There is a sharp sting of pain along your forehead and you bury your face in your hands.
Two hands gently tug your wrists away from your face. Through teary eyes you can see the blurry face of Wu Yifan, looking at you with an unreadable expression.
"So careless," he mumbles softly and then, despite your squeak of protest, proceeds to rub the hurt area with the pad of his thumb. Remember the butterflies? They're doing the samba now. Your face could be a colour catalog for red paint.
"Sunbae..." you try to pull away, but he utters a small, irritated noise and you sit still in submission. Besides, he's doing a pretty good job at the headache too.
"Stop trying to run to Dream Boy." Something inside you snaps in sudden irritation. And you slap his hand away.
"I wish I could but he's too busy playing President." Your words make no sense to you, let alone to him, but he seems to have caught onto something. He shrugs, picks up your books and you follow meekly, not daring to utter another word.
He doesn't say anything either. That is, not until the two of you have reached the middle of the football pitch (because crossing it is quicker than going all the way around it to the other building) and he stops, and you realise, you have no where to run in the pouring rain.
"You should have said something earlier, and here I was wasting my jealousy," the smirk is back, and in tandem with the playful look in his eyes. You dart a look left, then right and decide to stare at the mud on your shoes, because that is all you can do, short of praying for sudden-death-by-lightning.
"Ku ai de baobei."
The voice is deep, low, heavy, and its suddenness shocks you into lifting your head. He's much to close, looking at you with the smouldering eyes that make you feel so hunted and drawn in at once. This time though, he shuts your squeak of protest by kissing you.
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For Qiuyue jie,
Hope, though as lame as this is, it makes you blush (^•^)
For Mink jie,
Hope you had lovely exams (^w^)

Kiss List

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"Guys! Holy cow! Guys!!" You race through the library, ignoring the dirty looks thrown at you by the librarian, stopping at a table of four boys, only two of whom were actually reading. "I'm dead, so dead!!" You wail, earnings still more dirty looks from the students at neighboring tables. Luhan looks up from the half solved crossword in his hand.
"Forgot your homework?" Yixing shakes his head without raising it from his book and counter,
"No, she lost something again."
"Umm... a bit of both, actually..." you mumble, shuffling your feet underneath the table. Jongdae raises an eyebrow at your embarrassed face.
"You forgot-lost your homework-something? What does that even mean?"
"No, pabo— you see, I lost my notebook, so I'll go to class looking like I haven't done my homework.... and it's Cho seongsaengnim's class... he's scarier than hell when you don't get your homework... remember what he did to Jongin?" The lot of you of you shudder involuntarily in memoriam of poor Kim Jongin who carried desks from the first floor to the third till he lost feeling in his arms.
"Why don't you explain it to him?" Asks Joonmyeon, his face twisted with fatherly worry (sometimes you wonder if he's ever going to find something that doesn't worry him). You shake your head.
"It's not just that, you know.... there's something in that notebook that I don't want anyone to see." The thought of it makes you red. Jongdae grins at you.
"Everyone knows your grade in math, nothing can be worse." You resist the strong urge to throw the nearest Oxford Dictionary at his head.
"This is." You say firmly, ignoring his comment with the roll of an eye. Luhan suddenly looks at you with a smile too wide to be normal (and frankly, frightening enough to send chills up your spine).
"This list," he begins, and you begin to regret your existence. "Does it contain certain situations, which involve you and a significant other in very, very close proximity?" The grin is positively diabolic now. You blush a violent shade of red and kick under the table, only to miss his leg and hit Joonmyeon's- which contorts his face into a grimace, his angelic features long lost. You mumble a hurried apology.
"What list?" Asks Jongdae curiously.
"How. Did. You. Read. It. Gege?" You ask, between gritted teeth. His smile reaches epic proportions.
"You really shouldn't leave things like that lying on your desk," says Yixing, looking at you languidly, his chin propped up on his palms. You glare at them. Even non-nosey Joonmyeon has had his curiosity piqued.
"What list?" Demands Jongdae. Luhan grins like the devil reincarnate.
"Wouldn't we all like to know," he says looking very suggestively at you. You look from Joonmyeon's polite curiosity to Jongdae's (very) impolite one.
"There you are." There! The voice of your savior! Your knight in shining armor! Your guardian angel! Your— your classmate, Do Kyungsoo (though right now, he's all of the above for you).
"Nae?" You look at him calmly, though your insides are screaming at you to glomp him for saving you.
"We need to work on our english project," he says and then looks around the table at the others, particularly at Luhan's devilish grin and falters, "did I interrupt something?"
"No—"
"Sit down Kyung," Luhan cuts you off. Your eyes grow wider than Kyungsoo's (and you thought it wasn't possible). "Let us enlighten you."
You jump up and grab your erstwhile savior by the crook of his arm.
"He'll listen some other time!" You start pulling him away, knowing that Joonmyeon and Jongdae would know everything before you could say 'kimchi'. Atleast one out of three rescued isn't a complete loss.
"Spawns of Pure Evil," you mutter darkly as you get between two bookshelves. Kyungsoo laughs and you release his arm with a start. His face turns into the, all-too-well-know, 'heart-shaped' smile (which stops your heart) and you know you'd be lying if you said you didn't have a small- wait, no, a massive- crush on your classmate (who would have been your sunbae, if the both of you weren't taking Advanced Language together).
"—wondering if this belongs to you?" Something is thrust under your nose and you realise that while you've been staring at his face, he's holding something out to you.... something that suddenly makes Luhan seem like a poodle.
"Ye-yes, that..." You trail off, waiting, watching for him to make some snide reference to the all incriminatong list— but he's smiling as usual. "Thank you, I spent all morning looking for it." You laugh, partially in relief and mostly at your own thoughts, while he turns to the shelf, going back to hunting down books, his lips pursed into an adorable pout of concentration. So much will power wasted in not breaking out into a fit of giggles.
You take a deep breath, and flip the notebook. The math homework is there, but more importantly, the list is not.
The list contains exactly what Luhan implied it did— a list of your favorite situations, to be.... kissed in. It's an embarrassing list to be sure, well, in the hands of Lay or Luhan, its probably a lethal weapon, and you shudder at the armageddon that would come as a result of its exposition. You trail your eyes over the expanse of the tall bookcases, hoping for some brilliant spark of some sort to hit you. It's about then that you notice it. Sticking out harmlessly from Do Kyungsoo's back pocket, with the tell-tale song of your pink lipbalm on it, while you mentally flail wondering exactly why you'd never learnt to pickpocket in your free time.
He turns slowly, feeling your hard gaze. "Yes?" Your breath hitches for all the wrong reasons.
"You-you...." You're pretty certainly making, what Luhan calls "bunny eyes", at him. The corners of his lips quirk into a small smile that is so infuriatingly teasing that, if you didn't worship his face, you could have punched him.
"Oh this?" He dangles the small scrap paper between his thumb and forefinger. "Here."
You stare at it for a long while, thinking Luhan's armageddon seemed much more pleasant. Hesitation and haste wage wars against each other inside you and you eventually pluck it out of his hands, with clammy, shaking fingers. He calmly turns back to his literary hunt. You blink and wonder if he's seen what's in the list. You guess not by the lack of his reaction, and your face breaks into a wide smile.
"I don't know about the rest but I can help with the first two... about now." The smile freezes in place as your eyes grow owl wide. He turns to you with an ordinary enough look, but the look in his eyes makes Luhan feel like an Archangel. You gulp.
"Are you saying you'll kiss me?" You're almost shocked at how natural you make that sound.
"That's not a bad idea." Yes. Luhan is the God of Kindness and Benovelence compared to this.
He walks close, almost teasing, no, daring you to do something.
2. A tie kiss...
1. A library kiss..
You reach out to the soft fabric of his tie, holding it gingerly between your fingers, and give a small tug. He laughs softly.
"What happened to Miss Taekwondo?" He cups your cheek with his palm and presses his lips onto yours.
Sure it's incredibly cliched, and Luhan might be the end of you if he hears of this but it's the best first kiss to you.
Your fingers curl around the tie tightly as he pulls away. There is somewhat of a half-smirk on his face, which changes into a wide smile. You bite your lips to stop a smile, but that fails.
"Come for lunch someday, lets see what we can do about the other ones." You laugh before he kisses you lightly again. When he pulls away, his irises slightly shining in the sunlight from the bay window next to you, you're slightly breathless, and definitely light headed. So cheesy, but so perfect.
A few minutes, and kisses, later, you walk through the library, your little finger hooked through his, and notice that the table everyone was at seems emptier. Yixing and Joonmyeon the model students,obviously having left for their classes early, leaving Jongdae, who's fallen asleep on an open book, and Luhan—
Luhan sits with his elbow propped upon the table, his chin in his palm, looking... no, staring, at Jongdae, as if he's seeing the latter for the first time. You don't know who is more vulnerable, the oblivious Jongdae or the observing Luhan. You smile and decide to let him be.... but of course not.
Kyungsoo watches in amusement as you walk behind Luhan, and stoop to whisper,
"Lulu ge, would you like to borrow ideas from my list?"
Luhan whips around with the look of a cat caught staring at milk. Then as the words sink in, he turns pink and accidentally kicks Jongdae, who looks like a little Beagle pup as he awakens and blinks, asking Luhan, in a voice heavy with sleep and accented Chinese,
"Wei shen me....?" Luhan turns into hybrid between a tomato and a beet. Kyungsoo starts laughing as Jongdae gives a confused stare. You bite your cheeks to stop yourself from doing the same.
Revenge is sweet.
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Inspired by a dream I had.
And an embarrassed Luhan is the cutest thing ever, beagle Chen is cuter!!!
(I imagine the reader a first year, Kyungsoo and Jongdae as second years and Lulu, Lay and Suho as final year students)
Read and review!! (^•^)/
Elfinjoy

Wake Me Up: Exo Drabbles

D.O.

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There is a soft hand running through the locks of your hair, gently pulling you out of your sleep. Vivid dreams fade to black and you open your eyes to black. It takes a while for you to realise it's a black shirt front. You pull back slightly. The hand drops to your back.
"Did I wake you?" The voice is gravely with sleep. You smile at the half open eyes and shake your head slowly.
"I was almost awake anyway," your voice is barely above a whisper. His face breaks into a sleepy half smile. You can hear his rhythmic heartbeat. "You're sleeping in a shirt..." you mumble, while fingering the collar.
"I was too lazy." His sleepy drawl almost makes you blush.
"When did you get back?"You ask, making sure to keep your voice in check. He slips an arm under your head and pulls you closer. Maybe it's a tad cheesy, but you feel safe and protected each time he does this.
"I don't know... two? Maybe three?" He smiles at your frown. "Don't worry, I slept all evening in the car." Your hands slide over his shoulder.
"Doesn't it hurt...?" His soft laugh reverberates through your body.
"Look who's talking. I picked you up from the desk. Sleeping there can't be any less painful." You offer half a pout as protest.
"In my defense, I was writing."
"You're the one who over-works yourself." There is a faint note of chiding in his voice.
"Well..." Your eyes drop from his face to his chest, afraid of more to come. You're surprised to find yourself pulled closer.
"Nol pabo ya?" He whispers into your hair. The faint smell of his faded cologne soothes you as you breathe in deeply.
"Aniya..." The hold around you tightens.
"This... calls for a day off."
"But-but I have to go..." The protest in you voice is hardly there. It's more of talking for the sake of it. He knows that, and he laughs.
"No you have to stay."
"But I'll lose my job..."
"If you keep talking, I'm not letting you move."
"You know it's impossible for me to stop talking."
"I wonder if you won't because you want to stay like this." You flick your hand against his chest, but then again, he's not very far from the truth.
"Do Kyungsoo, don't get too full of yourself." But you settle again his chest, which is shaking with laughter and allow him to put his chin on your head. His breathing is slow and steady. So safe, so secure... almost as if nothing can touch me now...
"Kyungsoo?"
"Hmm?"
"I'm sorry for worrying you..."
"I'm sorry too." He drawls and you remain quiet for a while.
"Kyungsoo?"
"Hmm?"
"Let's... take a vacation."
"Hmm."
"You know.... somewhere that has quiet beaches to walk along... Imagine the wind in your hair, the rolling waves, the salty sea air— oh! I could make that into a new song." There is no response. The hold on your frame relaxes, the breathing becomes slow and rhythmic and you look up to see closed eyes and parted lips. You smile at the sleeping face and bury your head in the crook of his neck once more. You can take one pre-vacation, vacation. You snuggle closer, breathing in deeply, and let out a content sigh. To hell with work.
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Suho

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Warm hands are gently shaking your shoulders. You slowly open your eyes to a pair of brown orbs.
"It's almost seven," he says. You reach out to touch his cheeks. He's stiing on his haunches on the floor next to the bed.
"I'm still sleepy..." You mumble. He smiles and you wish you were awake to see it better.
"It's alright," he presses a quick kiss to your lips. You start and open your eyes.
"Do-don't!" You exclaim, pulling back sharply. He blinks in surprise. "I have morning breath..." You mumble defensively. He shifts from his haunches to his knees and rolls his eyes, cupping your cheek to pull you in for another kiss. This one is slower. Still, soft and gentle. Your eyes open wide in surprise but you let him pull away (almost regretting it when he does) before your hands fly to your face in embarrassment.
"Do I look like I care?" He asks with a laugh. You peek out from between your fingers.
"Joonmyun!" You whine. "I'm awake now, thanks to that!" He laughs loudly and pinches your cheek lightly.
"Aigoo. Look at this pabo!" He tugs at your hand. "Now get up." You resist it for the fraction of a second before you allow him to pull you out of the bed by your wrists. You stand for a moment on your own two feet before the grogginess returns and you sway. Two strong arms wrap securely around you waist and pull you close.
"Don't kill yourself, it'll ruin my day." You slap his shoulder, though you're too sleepy to make it hurt. So you pout and rest your head on it.
"I'm uncoordinated in the mornings," you mumble into the fabric of his shirt.
"You are uncoordinated always." He teases and earns another light slap to the shoulders. His hands fall loosely around your hips as he sways you, from side to side, to the rhythm of a silent tune.
"Mmm... I'm getting sleepier..." you protest while pulling closer. His low, warm chuckle sounds in your ear.
"I'll stop, then." There is a murmured protest from you as you nuzzle deeper into the side of his neck. He laughs. The swaying is slowly making your eyelids heavy. Then the swaying stops, the hands drop from your hips and suddenly, the ground disappears from beneath your feet.
"Yah!" He carries you, one hand around your waist, the other one under your knees.
"I told you it's better you don't kill yourself first thing in the morning."
"I can walk..." you say meekly, pressing your head into his chest to hide your red cheeks. He laughs before putting you down outside the bathroom door.
"Happy to help My Lady," he adds a small wink at the end. You shove his chest slightly.
"Stop it!" You pout.
"When it comes to you? Never," he pats your cheek and says, "hurry up, I have breakfast waiting." He turns to leave but pauses on an after thought. "And don't fall asleep in there." Your pout becomes more pronounced and he sneaks in yet another kiss.
"Kim-Joon-myun!!" You huff and he leaves, eyes twinkling with suppressed laughter.
As you catch your face in the mirror upon entering the bathroom. You note the wide eyes, the pink cheeks, and you bite the corner of your lower lip trying to, but failing to, stop the shy smile that slowly takes over your face.
Yes, Kim Joonmyun, and only him.
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The Suho one is for Miya,
Hope you like it long-lost-sis :P
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Baekhyun

"Ireonah," he calls your name. You bury you head deeper into the pillow- noting its absurd hardness. "Yah, ireona-ah," he calls for a third time. Slender fingers brush against your cheeks gently and you flinch in surprise. You move and your pillow shifts under you— wait. Did your pillow... move? You open your eyes groggily, slowly adjusting your vision and his face looms above yours. You flush in embarrassment.
"Baek—?" You mumble curiosly. "Wha-? Why are you in my house?" He laughs, his eyes crinkling and his pearly white teeth dazzling.
"I'm not in your house darling, you're in mine, and on my chest, if I may add." He pokes your cheeks playfully. Your eyes open wide in mortification and you bolt upright, only to find yourself pulled back by two arms around your waist. "I didn't say I mind," he grins.
"Bu-but what-?" He laughs once more. The clear, sweet sound fills the air. You realize that you're sleeping on the couch, with your head on his chest, while he's stretched his legs out onto the ottoman.
"Mianhae.." you mutter. He leans into the backrest.
"You fell asleep during the movie, I didn't want to wake you up, so stop apologizing. Besides you look cute when you sleep." You blush a little at that frank compliment. Your eyes are still drooping from lack of sleep.
"Still, if I keep sleeping over at your house like this, you'll never get a girlfriend," you mumble while rubbing your eyes. You feel his body stiffen.
"I don't want a girlfriend," he says curtly and you don't push further, though it stings somewhere inside at his firm refusal to be in a relationship. You avert your eyes to the ceiling, while you lie with your hear and shoulders across his chest. His fingers intertwine with yours, across your waist and years of knowing him tells you that he's nervous about something.
"You have pretty fingers," you note abstractly, trying to ease the situation. He laughs silently.
"If we have kids, they should have your cute face and my fingers." Kids? Your eyes widen and your cheeks turn pink at that thought. "We should have two, and we could live in a farmhouse in the countryside."
"How will the kids go to school?" You blurt out.
"Uh! So practical. Fine. We'll live in the city- but we need a dog."
"Brownie!" You stick your tongue out at the thought.
"Okay, brownie." He grins, the tension is now completly dissipated but your heart it thudding so loud you're afraid he can feel it. "Hmm.." he continues, "we can paint our room blue-grey and make the furniture black and white."
"Uh! That is so depressing Baek! Try warm colors, like orange and yellow."
"Sure, that gives me the perfect opportunity to wear my Ray-Bans indoors." You roll your eyes, though you can feel your cheeks getting hot. For a while both of you remain silent, basking in the images in your minds.
"I wish it was real." His voice is a near hesitant whisper. Your breath hitches.
"Me too..." you breathe out shakily. Is that your heart beating earatically or his? For, what seems like years, neither of you moves. Then he slowly rises, putting you in a seated position before reaching out to cup your cheeks with the palms of his hands. Is that nervousness in his eyes? Or the reflection of your own, perhaps, as he slowly pulls in for a kiss. His hands are so gentle, as if he's afraid he might break you with his touch. His lips are soft. As he pulls away, you look into his smiling, unsure eyes, not knowing whether to laugh or cry, but wishing, hoping and praying that every morning was like this one.
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For Ruka,
Hope it isn't a fail :P